Sometimes the pain is just unbearable! almost 6 years.. 6 years when everyday is pain and misery inside. Be it the happiest or the most unhappy day the pain will be at the bottom of it all! And the longing! Longing just to be with you.. to be near you, touch you, see you. I wrote you hundreds of letters.. What do I do when the pain overcomes me!??  The world where I can't see and feel you like I used to seems to be such a narrow place! I felt you many times but was it really from you or just my longing? I can never say! And I can't see you! Not even in my dreams! You are just not coming.... In these long 6 years how many times I've seen you in a dream?   Three, four?? I become the worst version of myself everyday.. more and more.. sink deeper and deeper cos there's no you beside me to make it all right! To make me myself again!! To love me, to improve me! You said I'll never disappoint you.. but sometimes I fear you'd disgust me if you saw me as I'm now.. Or may be you do see me?? Than what do you think?? I long and fear to know!
The tears are running down my face now their source is forever there! I can't bear the thought that you are gone and I'm left behind!! I'd be yours.. You are my man and I will be your woman forever! No matter what happens all that I am.. all that I really am is forever yours!
He must know what he's doing! I know He does! But He also must know how painful it is.. How unbearably painful!!!!!